


The Other Side

by Wolfcry22



Series: The Exhausted Mind of Poe [27]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Depression, Disability, Disabled Character, Dissociation, Finn Needs A Hug (Star Wars), Fluff and Angst, Implied Poe Dameron/Finn, M/M, Medication, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Pilot Poe Dameron, Poe Dameron Angst, Poe Dameron Has Issues, Poe Dameron Has PTSD, Poe Dameron Hurts So Prettily, Poe Dameron Is A Mess, Poe Dameron Loves Finn, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Poe Dameron Whump, Poe Dameron/Finn Fluff, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Resistance Leader Poe Dameron, Sad Finn (Star Wars), Sad Poe Dameron, Sick Character, Sickfic, The Resistance Era, The Resistance Wins (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:14:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29339634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfcry22/pseuds/Wolfcry22
Summary: Poe finally caves in and decides to take medication
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Series: The Exhausted Mind of Poe [27]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1605424
Kudos: 13





	The Other Side

**Author's Note:**

> Here is another installment that expanded on the idea of Poe trying medication, which can sometimes be helpful with those with PTSD and other mental health issues. However, a lot of people don’t enjoy the feeling that they experience while on them that can make them feel numb and disconnected from the world and Poe is often no different.

Poe eyed the bottle in front of him warily. He rested both elbows on the table and leaned forward, his head tilted from side to side, eyes slightly narrowed and shoulders lifted. He didn't dare read the label as though if he did, it would solidify the fact that he was actually going to take it. Poe swore he could already feel his throat closing up even before he could slip the tiny pills into his mouth. His hands shook as he thought about unscrewing the lid and tipping two pills back. His stomach churned as a whimper rose in his throat. 

"Poe?"

Although Poe was aware that Finn and Dr. fern were in the room with him, it didn't sink in that they were watching him until now. He wasn't exactly sure how long they had been waiting and watching him, but Poe assumed it was longer than he had anticipated. 

"Poe, you alright," Finn fretted as he leaned forward with his hands on his knees from where he sat on one of the chairs in Dr. Firn's office. 

Dr. Firn stretched out his arm and motioned for Finn to sit back. "Let Poe do this in his own time. Give him time," Dr. Firn murmured with a small nod of his head as he turned his attention back to Poe.

Finn reluctantly ducked back. He crossed his arms over his chest while his left leg began to bounce in jittery energy, his jaw fully clenched. His heart beat madly in his chest as he watched Poe contemplate the medication in front of him. He wanted nothing more than to coax Poe to take it or at least try to gage what he was thinking. Unfortunately, all Finn could do was watch and allow Poe to come to the decision on his own, despite his overwhelming need to walk Poe through this. Dr. Firn was quite adamant that Finn not interfere unless Poe specifically asked him to. 

Suddenly, Poe's hand shot up and he forced the pills into the back of his throat, almost gagging as he grabbed the glass of water and downed half of it was well as the pills. His eyes watered from how quickly he had swallowed and he swore that he felt the water and pills trying to jump back into his throat. Poe clamped a hand over his mouth and willed his stomach to settle. The last thing that he wanted was to throw up in front of Finn and Dr. Firn. 

Finn cast a glance over to Dr. Firn, wordlessly asking his permission to help Poe. Dr. Firn waited patiently for a moment before finally nodding. Finn let out a breath of relief and pulled a chair over to Poe's side as he watched Poe shake and whimper with his hands clasped into tight fists and bottom lip beginning to quiver. 

"Hey, hey, hey," Finn chided as he reached out both hands and took Poe’s fists in his own. He brought each one up to his lips and planted small kisses against Poe's knuckles. "Shhh, shhh, shhh. It's okay. I'm right here. I'm right here. Just relax and let your stomach settle." 

Poe was aware that Finn was speaking to him, but he couldn't manage to respond. If anything, Finn's words seemed to make the situation worse and had tears threatening to leak from Poe's eyes while his head shook back and forth. A sob welled in his throat, which momentarily averted his focus from his churning stomach. 

Sympathy washed over Finn as he pulled Poe close. Poe pushed his head against Finn's chest and took in the scent of his cologne mixed with the smell of mint from Finn's toothpaste. It started to soothe Poe's thoughts and he couldn't help but melt into Finn’s embrace. His thoughts were still on whatever he had forced down his throat, yet being with Finn made Poe feel that no matter what he felt, Finn would make sure that everything was okay. 

Finn began to rock back and forth with Poe in his strong arms. They continued on until Poe grew limp in Finn's arms. His eyes drifted closed and his breathing slowed.

"Is he sleeping," Finn whispered over Poe's head to look at Dr. Firn, who was sitting back in his chair with an almost tired expression of his own. 

Dr. Firn let out a low hum. "I think so."

Finn smiled and brushed his fingers at the crown of Poe's head. The last thing that he wanted to do was wake him, but he couldn't carry Poe; he was just too heavy. 

"Poe? Poe." Finn leaned over and planted a kiss on the top of Poe's head. "Think you can wake up a little for me? We can asleep when we get back to the room, okay?" 

The answer Poe gave was hardly a response, more like a slight whisper of a sound and tremble of his fingers. It may have seemed insignificant to anyone looking in, but to Finn, it was everything. 

“Alright then. Up.” Finn began to stand while helping Poe do the same. He forced Poe to take some of his own weight, knowing that if allowed he would slump against Finn and let Finn do most of the work. However, Finn didn’t have the strength to keep Poe upright and walking without at least some help from Poe. “There, we’ll go back to the room and sleep this off a little. You’ll feel better when you wake up.” 

Alarm shot through Finn’s veins and he quickly turned to Dr. Firn. “He will feel better when he wakes up, won’t he?”

Dr. Firn gave a tiny dip of his head. “He may still be a little lethargic, but I believe this is more of a physiological response than the medication. It wouldn’t start working this quickly.” 

Finn nodded slowly. That was almost worse than it being a response just to the medication. At least that one he would know how to control to an extent and could anticipate. Dealing with Poe’s mind and his reaction in that way to it was something that no one could predict. Hell, not even Poe himself seemed to be able to do so. That just meant it was going to be even more challenging for the both of them. 

“Okay, we’ll get through it. We always get through it and this will be no different.” 

“Finn—“ 

Finn turned on Dr. Firn so fast that Dr. Firn instinctively took a step back. He had never seen that much conviction in the ex-Stormtrooper’s gaze. “We will get through it,” Finn repeated with a hint of warning in his voice. “I can help him get through it. That’s something I can do.”

Dr. Firn lifted his hands in a show of surrender, head ducked forward. “Alright. You know where to find me if you need me.”

Finn gave a curt nod as he reached around to Poe. He looped an arm around his waist and held him close. He could feel Poe’s chest expand with each breath, smell the hint scent of mint on his breath from when he had brushed his teeth. Poe’s muscles were taunt against Finn’s, despite the fact that he hadn’t worked out in force knows how long. None of that mattered to Finn. He was no less attracted to Poe as he had been when they first met. 

Finn started forward, verbally prompting to Poe to ease the strain that traveling with him in this condition would be. Poe seemed to be running on autopilot, going and doing whatever Finn asked. Finn wasn’t about to test his theory, but he was certain that if he told Poe to walk into a wall and stay there, then he would. That freaked Finn out even more than he cared to admit. 

It took nearly twice the amount of time it would usually take for them to arrive home, but they eventually did and Finn couldn’t have been more relieved. They hadn’t run into anyone and Finn was grateful. It would’ve been extremely difficult to explain why Poe was acting the way he was and deflect worry. That was a full time job and Finn wasn’t keen to add additional work to the already impossible load. 

“Let’s get inside,” Finn whispered, swiping their keycard. The door opened with a whoosh and Finn rushed in almost before the door opened. 

It closed behind them and it was then that Finn finally let out the breath he didn’t know he had been holding. Tears shone in the corner of his eyes as he helped Poe over to their bed in the corner of the room. He set Poe down and saw him staring forward, completely untethered from reality in this given movement. 

“Oh, Poe.” Finn kneeled down beside him and gripped Poe’s hand in both of his. He ran his fingers down every curve, traced every callous, trying to spark some sort of reaction. He gingerly brought Poe’s hand to his lip and pressed a light kiss on each knuckle. Still Poe didn’t react. 

Finn wiped the back of his hand against his eyes to force the tears away. “Come on, Poe. Please give me something so that I know you’re okay.”

Poe gave no sign he heard him.

A wave of nausea rose inside Finn. “Alright, let’s try something else.” He rose to his feet and came over to sit beside Poe on the bed. He pulled off his shirt and then helped Poe lift his legs onto the bed and settle into a horizontal position. Finn settled beside him with an arm around him and his other hand still gripped tightly around Poe’s hand. He applied heavy pressure, knowing that it was always better than light touch when it came to Poe. 

“Let’s count somethings that we can see, smell, hear, feel, and maybe taste, although I’m not sure what that could possibly be,” Finn joked.

It was a technique that Dr. Firn had taught him to do with Poe. It usually worked well enough to bring him out of a dissociative state, even one as removed as this one. Poe was usually unable to bring himself out of one without someone intervening so Finn was becoming quite good at dealing with them.

Finn heard no response (and didn’t expect to at that point) and decided to start without Poe for the first couple of objects.

“Okay....I can see the light on my desk......the um pile of dirty clothes that I still need to wash.” Finn narrowed his eyes as he tried to come up with things he could actually see in the small space. He glanced to the man beside him and smiled. “I see your black curls. They’re a little disheveled right now, but they make you look handsome all the same.”

Poe began to shift, a low murmur sounding from him. “Doesn’t count,” he rasped.

Relief washed over Finn. He was almost too stunned that Poe had spoken to ask him what he meant. “What?”

“You can’t count my hair,” Poe complained in a soft voice. “I can’t see it.” 

Finn leaned forward and nuzzled his face into the side of Poe’s hair. The soft curls bounced against his cheek and chin, tickling his skin. “Then you’ll have to take my word for it.”

That seemed to be a good enough answer for Poe. “M’okay.”

Finn leaned back and began to trace the back of his finger against Poe’s cheek. There he could feel the rough stubble that Finn found irresistible. Part of him wanted Poe to look at him—really look at him to see the emotion in his eyes. The other part of him feared what Poe may think if he saw what Finn was really feeling. 

Poe turned his head an inch to the side, eyes widening when he saw the haunted look in his boyfriend’s eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Finn gave his head a tiny shake. The last thing that he wanted was for Poe to worry about him when he had a million and one things on his plate to worry about. “I just worry about you sometimes, Poe, and I hate seeing you struggle so much. I just wish I could help you.” 

“You do help me,” Poe argued sternly. “You help me in so many ways. You make me laugh and help me through times just like this. You’ve done more for me than I could ever ask nor thank you for.” 

Finn sighed as he leaned forward back to Poe. His forehead came close to touching Poe’s, but he refrained at the last minute. “You understand why I wanted you to be on medication, right? I don’t want you feel like I’m forcing you and you can stop anytime you want as long as you let Dr. Firn know so that he can taper it off. I just think that it may help with some of the anxiety and stuff.”

Poe took in everything that Finn said. Although he didn’t agree completely with the points he was making, he knew that Finn would never do anything intentionally to hurt him. He only wanted the best for Poe just as Poe only wanted the best for Finn. They may clash on a few things, but what couple didn’t? 

“I still don’t know how I feel about it,” Poe mumbled after a moments hesitation.

Finn nodded in understanding. “Just give it a moon....30 days give or take. Then we can see if you feel any better and if not, we can ask Dr. Firn to take you off of it. Do you think you can try for just a little while?” 

“I don’t want to, but I don’t think it can hurt.”

Relief took some of the weight from Finn’s shoulders. At least now he could breathe without feeling like he would panic. “Thank you, Poe.” 

Poe smiled lovingly up at Finn, taking his hand to trace his cheek like Finn had done to him a minute or so ago. “I love you,” he whispered. 

“I love you too.” Finn leaned ever closer so that he could whisper lovingly in Poe’s ear. “And medication or no medication it will never change that.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write this part about some of the struggles of disassociation and some techniques that can be used to pull someone from a dissociative state. It doesn’t work for everyone, but the idea of naming things around you that deal with the senses can be beneficial. I may bring in more disassociate episodes with Poe as well as different coping mechanisms. I hope you all enjoyed and are staying safe and healthy!


End file.
